dear s,

15 February 2023

dear lola,

my little firefly, i know that sometimes i can hurt; i can sting, making you cry.

i am sorry that i'm not always up to the task. you deserve the best version of myself, and not the old broken machine i am.

i promise you that from now on, i'll do everything i can to give you the relationship you deserve. i understand that acts speaks more than words,

so i'll prove it to you.

thank you for being honest and allowing me to change.

i love you since the first day. i didn't choose to love a 'sick' girl, but i chose to love you, an amazing, soft, understanding and unique woman.

you make me see the bad parts but also the good parts of myself, allowing me to be finally happy.

i love you lola, and as naive it may sound, i'm sure i'll do for the rest of my life.

your prickly cacti that loves you

April 2022

subway ballet

The clocks were rattling. She watched the time furtively almost every minute, but she seemed to take it upon herself to contain her excitement. Soon. Soon, it would be time. Her fingers roamed her dresser as she stared at her possibilities. Her eyes rose, and she contemplated her face flushed by her short breath, the one that stopped as soon as she thought of what was about to happen. She tried on one outfit, then another, her mood tiring at the same rate. She sighed as she watched her red hair fall back onto her face limply. And her eyes, so tired... She squeezed her lips, heart pounding, and turned around for the umpteenth time; Soon, it would be time. She smiled.

She walked with a delicate but hurried step. The wind was cold, and she had taken care to put on her long red velvet coat and her black mittens. With her head down, she tried not to meet the eyes of the strangers who paraded around her..

With an awkward but determined step, he walked, barely containing his excitement. He saw again the image in his head of the beautiful redhead he had met some time earlier, but whom he had never been able to see or hear in front of him. He blushed foolishly. What if she didn't like this type of jacket? And those pants? He ran a nervous hand over the back of his neck and felt the unpleasant sweat sticking to his skin. He felt his heart struggling. Too late. It's time. The door opened and the flow of passengers poured in all directions.

Waiting on a bench, she wondered if he would like her when he saw her for the first time. Her heart sank slightly, and she tried to think of something else. Noticing that her glasses kept slipping over her terrified skin, she gently removed them, trying to hold back the tremor.

He was lost here. He didn't even know if it was a good idea, if he had made the right choice. He looked around, looking for a familiar little red flame. His heart began to beat at a hundred per hour. There she was, sitting right in front of him, visibly disturbed by her failing eyesight. She finally released her silver eyes on him.

A more than perfect contact, in a moment that nearly stopped.

His heart blazed with such force that he was almost thrown onto the tiled floor of the station. He felt all the strength of his body commanding him to kiss her on the spot. His legs seemed to fail under the weight of the revelation that he had just found the one he should have met long ago.

Seeing him look away and blushing, she couldn't help but smile as she stood up gently. She approached and took between her fingers the plastic rectangle he was handing her, visibly upset. They took a few steps and he began to descend the stone steps, when he heard her apologize in a honeyed, sweet voice. She couldn't see much without her glasses, and with the cold, it was impossible for her to put them back on at the moment. Embarrassed, he offered his arm to help her down.

A broad smile lit up her face as she took his offer with a determined grip, pressing her swollen heart on the shell of this man who had never known the true feeling of loving before. An electric shock ran through him and he swore he saw her gloating with pleasure. While everything around was loud and impressive, she couldn't help but plunge her big eyes back into his. She explored every emotions, every thoughts he harbored in his tumultuous mind. She then shot a devastating ray, which immediately blasted his heart. This miserable space, previously dark and closed, was now bathing in light and warmth. She saw the little boy terrified of not being able to find his place in this big scary world. She saw the teenager frustrated with sacrificing himself for the well-being of others, at the expense of his own life. She felt her gaze soften. She saw the young father terrified of making the same mistakes he suffered from. She saw the husband exhausted from never being able to satisfy the one he had considered his half. She felt her body slowly move so she could deliver her budding lips with words of love.

He couldn't stand not being able to touch or hear her in the hurricane. His eyes locked on the redhead's fruity lips and he felt a new electric wave squeeze his heart. He was going to do it. He was going to kiss her.

The door suddenly opened loudly near them, causing another deluge of strangers. She smiled and took his hand tenderly before dragging him into the crowd. As they walked through the tunnels, he couldn't help but think that it was definitely her, his other half.

07 January 2023

i love you because...

  1. you are adorable with kids
  2. even though you are very 'sappy romantic' you make it not-cringy and very sweet
  3. you don't even know how charming you are (people are attracted to you like magnets)
  4. your vocabulary is very much articulate, and it's getting rare
  5. you are funny, most of the time
  6. your laugh is fantastic! it tickles my heart and lungs!
  7. you are not embarassed to say you are scared, which happens fairly easily, and it's veryyyy cute!
  8. you are the first lover to ask me if i had a good day
  9. you read about my mental illness condition and you try to help me instead of just surfing on the wave
  10. behind that big body of yours, you are actually very shy and it's adorable
  11. you are a very good-looking man, and it shows that you were always popular
  12. you made me believe in grand love again after my divorce
  13. you gave me back my confidence after my ex striped mine
  14. you look like a good friend, and your friends are definitely lucky to have you
  15. you know so much thing!
  16. i saw how strongly you desired me when we first met, and i hope i'll be able to re-tell it to our grandchildren
  17. you don't hesitate to volunteer and give little attentions to everyone, trying to help out as much as you can
  18. your mouth is just perfect; it is very pleasantly aesthetic and very very functional
  19. you are an AMAZING lover, meaning you fuck me very good
  20. your penis is perfect i adore him!
  21. you always worries wether i am okay or not mentally, eveb though you can't do much sometimes
  22. you assume your feminine quirks (like your long long bubblebaths) and it's super sexy; i am never never ashamed of you
  23. you are literally what i always wanted in a man (without the bad traits, but you know, he was imaginary...)
  24. you are an alert father and very present; i know that if one day we split up, our kids won't ever leave in misery
  25. you look like a big grumpy bear, but in reality you are so caring and tender
  26. we have the same odd sense of humour! it's perfect!
  27. i know you want to marry me since day 1
  28. you push our kids to eat healthy, which was a thing i fought often with my ex
  29. you are very talented decorator; everytime you change something around, it just feels so right! and it surely lighten my list of things to do around the house
  30. you praise my cooking, and it makes me so happy!
  31. you help me keep our house clean and it really makes me feel comfortable in our house
  32. you always think of buying fruits for the kids
  33. you can lift me! you are so strong!
  34. you look very dominant and god-like when you smoke..
  35. you made a lot of efforts to live through my addiction and could never thank you enough for believing in me
  36. you like and want to make natural cleaning products with me
  37. you do not hesitate to pay whatever my daughter need when my ex-husband doesn't meet the bare requirements, and that from the start of our relationship. you are an amazing stepfather
  38. you adore our family, and it shows
  39. you are so tall!!!
  40. you are really quite something to look at when you play your FPS... you are stupidly amazing!
  41. you know your way around computers, which is getting rarer
  42. you are my first partner to actually be able to grow a beard and it's so sexy
  43. you push me to take my medication, every single day
  44. you like vintage stuff like me!
  45. you like stationnary and obsolete organisation tools like me!!
  46. you never get upset when i take my time to shop
  47. you love me for who i am, whatever my weight is (at the time, i was 245 lbs, compared to 195lbs today)
  48. i am so proud of all the efforts you make, even though you also have a mental illness
  49. you understand my love for collecting
  50. you are so smart; sometimes you explain stuff to me that i can barely understand or focus on

14 February 2022